My Close Friend the Turkey

Here’s how a turkey came home with me when I wasn’t expecting him. You see, it all happened this way: yesterday, I went to the food store just to pick up a few things. Well, first one thing led to another. I remembered more and more of what I needed until my grocery cart was almost full, then I pushed the cart to the check-out.

It was nice that I was only second in line and didn’t have to wait long. Everything went  smoothly until the checker got to a bag of carrots.

“How much is this?” she asked the girl who was helping sack. But the girl didn’t know, so she had to run back to produce to find out.

Meanwhile, there were two people in line behind me.

“You know, you’ve almost got enough there for a free turkey,” a friendly customer said.

“Free turkey?” I echoed.

“Yes, look at the sign.”

I looked at the sign the clerk hadn’t mentioned and saw, indeed, with about six or so more dollars, I’d get a free bird.

The sacker was still trying to run down that elusive price on carrots and I didn’t want to hold the line up while I got another item to make me eligible for a free turkey.

“That’s okay,” the check-out person said, “I’ll put you on suspended check-out.”

So, sure that I’d soon be back in line, I trekked to the meat counter and picked up a roast (you know that put me well above the required total.) On the return to the check-out stand, I asked the sack girl who had suddenly become the checker  (the previous checker had vanished) where the turkeys were. She waved in a general direction and, roast in hand, I headed out on a turkey hunt.

I found the bird, frozen stiff, and waiting for me. It weighed ten to twelve pounds and was kind of slippery as well as very cold but with bird in one hand and roast in the other, I made it back to the check-out stand behind a woman who must have been buying for a small army. Waiting, I balanced the turkey on my foot for a while. When my arms got tired, I rested it on my toe.

I would have thought, since Tom and I were together for quite some time, we would have established a friendship but our relationship remained chilly. In fact, he was quite cold.

Finally, it was my turn.

“Oh,” the sacker turned checker said, “You’ll have to check out at customer service.”

“Are you with me, Tom?” I asked the silent turkey. He didn’t say he wasn’t, so together we made it around to the customer service desk.

A sweet-faced  little gray-haired lady picked up both roast and turkey while I explained to her that I was on suspended check-out.

“What register?” she asked courteously.

I told her and she carried turkey and roast to the register I had just vacated.

But the sacker turned checker, although unfailingly polite, would have none of that. “No,” she said, “it’s around at the other customer service desk.”

I couldn’t help it. It was so ridiculous, like a comedy of errors. I laughed out loud. That generated a few glances in my direction and a few reciprocal smiles as other shoppers wondered if the gray-haired lady in the baggy jeans had lost her mind or if buying a mountain of groceries could actually be a hilarious experience.

At last, I found my checker. What a relief to see a familiar face.

“I’m sorry you’ve had to wait so long,” she said, as she added the roast and Tom to the total.

“That’s quite all right,” I answered. “The turkey and I were just getting acquainted.” And, you know, he hadn’t thawed one bit!

An Unexpected Turkey

Having nothing to do with turkeys, these books cannot be eaten but they do contain food for thought:          The Cemetery Club, Grave Shift, Best Left Buried, Moonlight Can Be Murder