If You Don’t Have Anything to Say, Don’t Say It

If you don’t have anything to say, don’t say it could well be one of Flora Tucker’s maxims. You know the old saying, Still waters run deep. If you are in a crowd and cannot think of one blessed word to contribute to the conversation, just nod sagely, looking wise. Owls have a pretty good reputation for wisdom and the only word I’ve ever heard them utter is a question, “Who?” So, asking questions is okay, sort of puts the responsibility for conversation on another person’s shoulders.

If asked a direct question and, for whatever reason, you do not wish to express your answer, you could say, “I’m currently giving the matter my deepest consideration,” or “I’ve thought and thought about that question and, so far as I can ascertain, I need to gather more facts before reaching a lasting and satisfactory conclusion.” These responses also work for the hard of hearing person who is tired of saying, “Pardon me?” or “Could you repeat the question, please?” or, “Huh?”

But, for goodness sake, don’t use words to fill in gaps or because you are nervous and can’t think of anything to say or are afraid to let anyone else express his opinion. In other words, don’t prattle. You and I know people whose conversations are always one-sided–their side. It is hard to slip a word in edgewise and you wonder how anyone can talk so long without taking a breath. As Darcy said about her mother’s friend Pat, “The only way you can say anything in Pat’s presence is to interrupt.”

So, prattling earns one a reputation for being empty-headed or discourteous or a really nervous person who cannot bear a gap in conversation or a moment of silence.

I’ve been in situations when I was so uncomfortable, I’ve just chattered on and on and afterward, can’t remember a thing I said. And, I’ve been in situations where a silence stretched into a painful thing and, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember my name if asked. Neither is a happy state of being.

A good use of the gift of speech is a two-sided or more-sided talk among people who are friends or maybe even strangers who are truly seeking answers and honestly imparting knowledge. Animated, lively chatter, friendly and respectful discussion, lectures to impart knowledge are all uplifting and good, but you know the kind of talk I enjoy most? Sitting down at my kitchen table or in a friend’s home or at the local cafe and talking about whatever comes to mind with those I like and who like me. I’m assured of a sympathetic audience and I value the other person’s or persons’ opinions. In these situations, we never run out of anything to say and we are most happy to say it.

I particularly enjoy the conversations I listen in on between Darcy and Flora. These take up several pages in The Cemetery Club, Grave Shift, Best Left Buried, and Grave Heritage. But then, it’s fun to hear what Ned and her pals Pat and Jackie talk about in Moonlight Can Be Murder. I can hardly wait for you to hear their discussions of the Old House Club that met in Ned’s house with disastrous results in my newest cozy mystery,By the Fright of the Silvery Moon.